It is currently Fri Aug 23, 2019 11:51 am

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 4 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: Why your team sucks 2019
PostPosted: Tue Aug 13, 2019 1:36 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Tue Jul 08, 2014 8:57 pm
Posts: 3584
As funny as always...

https://deadspin.com/why-your-team-suck ... 1837109263

Quote:
Your 2018 record: 7-8-1. And now, ladies and gentlemen, a set-up … The Browns gave up on both Corey Coleman and Josh Gordon, trading them away. They fired the head coach before they even reached midseason, and dismissed their redass of an offensive coordinator too. To be interim head coach, they promoted a guy who is a disgraced bounty hunter, a hilarious liar, and who blames players for their own injuries. They had to cut their starting LB after he got caught doing insider trading. They lost to the Raiders, who are like the Browns now but louder. The world learned that they once called Cameron Jordan to tell him they were drafting him when they meant to call Jordan Cameron instead (the former had already been drafted three rounds prior).

The set-up continues … The Browns were poised to beat a juggernaut Saints team, starring that same Cameron Jordan, only to be undone by their idiot kicker. They could only salvage a tie with the hated Steelers in part because they got boned by the roughing the passer rule and its illegalization of gravity. They got blown off by a hard-up Dez Bryant looking for work. They lost four in a row at one point, including dropping one to the Bucs. Their O-line coach turned out to be a fucking package store clerk. They leaked to Adam Schefter that they would try to interview Condoleezza Rice for head coach (they then denied the report; Rice said she had no interest). Everyone got Tyrod Taylor’s name wrong. Isaiah Crowell, then a Jet, wiped his ass with the ball and then threw it at their fans.


That was the set-up. Now for the punchline: This was best season the Browns have had in a dozen years. The standard for them is lower than the standard for Trump giving a speech after a hospital has exploded.


Quote:
There will be no holding back Browns fans this season. The presumptuousness is already at a fever pitch and just AGONIZINGLY misplaced. You’d think they already had a title in the bag. MY ASS. This was the third worst defense in football a year ago. You think new DC Steve Wilks is fixing that? Steve Wilks just got chased out of Arizona faster than a gun violence protester. He’s not fixing SHIT.

_________________
"I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them."
--George Bush


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Why your team sucks 2019
PostPosted: Tue Aug 13, 2019 6:29 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Wed Jul 09, 2014 7:11 pm
Posts: 2793
Quote:
John:

The Bengals are the perfect encapsulation of everything that’s wrong with the NFL: amoral ownership with proudly horrific politics, a nepotistic management structure that not only won’t change but can’t, stadium funding agreements with the local community that verge on war crimes, and a governing philosophy of gleeful greed and utter incompetence that can never improve, and which cannot be held in check due to the aforementioned ownership and management situations.

I’m tired of feeling like shit four months out of every year. I quit fantasy, I’m done being a football die-hard. This team and sport are dead to me, and far too late, though I am looking forward to watching Big Ben disintegrate over the next couple decades into a pile of sandy mud with a MAGA hat on top.

Fuck Joey Porter with a rusty nail.

_________________
#DoItForDrake


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Why your team sucks 2019
PostPosted: Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 pm 
Offline

Joined: Tue Jul 08, 2014 9:35 pm
Posts: 9392
Quote:
Fuck Joey Porter with a rusty nail.

Well, Porter wouldn't have been a problem if your team had had any discipline whatsoever.

_________________
"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."
--Voltaire

#CdnSteelerFanStrong


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Why your team sucks 2019
PostPosted: Wed Aug 21, 2019 10:36 am 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Tue Jul 08, 2014 8:57 pm
Posts: 3584
https://deadspin.com/why-your-team-suck ... 1837249832

A bit political but has its funny moments

Quote:
Harbs fired Mornhinweg after that loss to the Chargers. To replace him, he hired … Jesus H. Christ are you kidding me, he hired Greg Roman? That’s like trading in hemorrhoids for an anal fissure! This is the same Greg Roman who gifted Harbaugh a Super Bowl title with his horrendous playcalling in Super Bowl 47. I guess John felt obligated to return the favor. These Ravens are going to run the ball right up the gut 45 times a game and that will be kinda charming and cool for 4-6 weeks but then it will just make you want to puke. That 12-9 loss to Cleveland last season? Get used to that being the norm around this dump. The go-to play call will be having Marshal Yanda hock a loogie at the defense and hope they jump out of the way of it.


Quote:
What’s new that sucks: Here to bolster the Ravens’ new two-yards-and-a-cloud-of-feathers offense is running back Mark Ingram. The Ravens were sick to death of bringing in burnouts to play receiver, so they unearthed a burnout at a NEW position instead. Earl Thomas is also here, on the rebound from a divorce with Pete Carroll AND his lower shinbone divorcing his upper shinbone. Everything about how the Ravens do business suggests that their master plan has been and always will be “Let’s be the Raiders but east.”


Quote:
Baltimore has nothing to claim as its own. One of Baltimore’s big historical sports heroes is Babe Ruth, who is a famous Yankee. It’d be like Philly having a Kobe museum. Baltimore’s all-time local celebrity is Edgar Allan Poe, who is also claimed by literally every city on the East Coast. Ravens’ fans current favorite son is a Floridian who obstructed a fucking murder. Team management wanted to outsource whether they’d sign Colin Kaepernick to both Ray Lewis and their fanbase, but the decision to erect a statue of Lewis outside the stadium didn’t take a second thought.


Quote:
John may be the better Harbaugh, but that’s like saying colon is a better cancer than prostate.

At least the stadium experience is nice, unless you are sitting next to a drunken Dundalkian, which is every time.

_________________
"I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them."
--George Bush


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 4 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Search for:
FORUM RULES --- PRIVACY POLICY




Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group